Venus as a Boy

People crave chaos and destruction.
This fact is undoubtedly pathetic, but creation comes from destruction.
So, is it the prevail that follows the chaos, or the chaos itself that is addicting?

(Here are the responses I received)

J: The chaos lets you know that you are alive and as much as it sucks some times, it keeps you from becoming bored.

Me: And how much does it say about a person if they create chaos or drama to keep themselves amused? You do not need chaos to feel or know that you are alive, there a various ways to feel anything.

Jax: Chaos engages the mind and keeps us moving. We often learn things about ourselves during times of chaos, but when the creation of chaos becomes a way of ignoring reality, and responsibility, that is when it becomes dangerous and addictive.

J: Hahahaha, what does it say indeed? And for the record, drama is not chaos, drama is drama, and typically could pretty much be scripted, no chaos there.

Me: Drama is a destructive tendency and that in itself is a giant clusterfuck of chaos. However scripted it may be. (laughs)

Uncle Dan: I believe your premise is faulty; people in fact crave order and peace. However, it is our differing definitions of order and peace that create the chaos and destruction. Religion is a good example.

Me: Touche! Damn. I have nothing to argue against that. =P

Zach: I believe people crave scapegoats rather than philosophy, in large. But that's besides the point I'm going to make. Each person craves their own meanings, reguardless of whether it be to simply survive, or to change the world; destruction, creation, love, hate, etc. Some people find happiness through happiness demonstrated in others. Some people find happiness in the destruction of the poisoned world we've come to live and lament in. Some people simply do not find happiness at all. I agree that religion is a massive point of segregation, which is a condition under which most of the world thrives. With a common enemy, your friends draw closer, whether you like them or not.
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It was a fairly interesting conversation. My uncle certainly put an end to my arguments though. Trust him to be so intelligent, and wise. :) If anyone else has anything to add, please, feel free to do so.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu0GQz_ziXc&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrRPPSrV8kg&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOhCGJ9IKRk&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6d9yGE0SEU&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWy1JLuP8MY&feature=channel_page

There are quite a few shoots on the way, all of which I am very excited for. Last week I managed to get a wardrobe tech, which is awesome, she is my go-to person when I do not have a certain item for outfits/costumes. There will be two hair stylists and MUA's at the next shoot. I have never worked with professional artists and stylists before, so it's going to be another learning experience.

I desperately need to inspire myself. Somewhere along the line I lost that self motivation and I really do need to get it back. It's there, I know it, it's just... buried under the cinder blocks that are known as laziness. >:(

Sometime pretty quick here, I am going to start working on another screenplay for a short film. Josh, a photographer I recently met up with, just graduated from film school in Ontario. At first our discussion was focused on shoot concepts and theme ideas, then it turned to film and screenplays. I mentioned a short film I had an idea for, he became very interested and excited about it, told me he would edit the screenplay/script if I wrote it and we could shoot it together.

Aside from that small update, I really need a shower and some food.

I feel small today.

Not the pathetically hopeless and afraid of the big ol' world kind of thing either. A miniscule flesh sack nearly bursting at the seams from all that's within kind of feeling. This feeling that there is so much out there, so much more I could be doing. This thought motivates me to not put limits on myself. To enjoy every waking, breathing moment that I am able to have and just be.

But today, I feel small. There is this sense of extreme urgency where I feel like I am trying to climb out of a grave and it starts to rain. Every handful of muck that slips through my fingers, every time I slide back down the wall doesn't stop me, only slows me down. And for someone who is constantly wanting to go-go-go, I suppose this is a terrible thing. (laughs) As with most blurbs of mine, I don't really have a point...

Today, I am in search of something meaningful, special. Whether it be someone just having a meaningful and intelligent conversation, or just hanging out with someone that shares a conncetion with me, I just have to be out doing something. Exploration is at hand. Something new and different maybe.

> If you could sit down and have tea with any actor/actress for an afternoon, who would you have a chat with?
Anthony Hopkins, hands down. From what few interviews I have seen of him have me fully intrigued. He is a phenomenal actor, an extremely intelligent being and just listening to him speak about his experiences and thoughts would be very nostalgic.

> Two favorite video games? Two least favorite?
Resistance: Fall of Man is certainly numero uno. It is such a fantastic game. And as for the second favorite, I would have to go with Mass Effect. As far as least favorites go, and I know I will get hounded for this one, I cannot stand those Mario Kart or Bros or whatever games. I am an FPS girl all the way.

> Favorite colors?
What are you, five?

> Would you rather be alone or surrounded by people for the rest of your life?
I would enjoy being around people, even though the majority of the human race is ugly and severely lacks intellect, being around the variety of beings and energies has always provided some form of amusement or aroused curiosity.

> If the world were to end and you could save 4 people, not including yourself, who would you save?
My brother, my boss, my lover, and my best friend. (laughs. Talk about taking the easy way out with not stating actual names, hey?) :P

> What is something that you wanted to say to someone, but haven't?
I have picked up the phone and dialed someone's number tons of times, and hung up. I don't know what to say is the thing. I miss you seems too.. lame and over used, however true it may be. I still love you seems a little extreme.. I don't know..

> What is something that you want to do but haven't yet?
That list is endless, however it is getting completed. Slowly... Umm, for right now I am going to say doing a suspension. That will hopefully be accomplished within the next few months though.

> How many times have you-
Don't finish that.

> What is something you miss doing?
Staying up late, laying on the couch all naked with the big down comforter with a snack to watch my show 'My Family'. There were so many crappy episodes, but the ones that were good, were effing hilarious.

>If given the opportunity to, and with gaurantees you would not be caught, who would you kill?
Kill? Me? I don't know what gave you such an idea *looks around* Why are you all looking at me like that??

> What is one thing that you can do whether you are livid or in a euphoric state?
Dance. And when people at the club try to drag me into their drama, or want to talk when I am at the club, it drives me up the wall. Granted, socializing here and there, or when outside cooling off is fine. Just don't get in the way of the stomp. :P (laughs)

> Why are you so turned on by Stormtroopers?
I... I... am not really sure to tell you the truth.. I just am. Leave it be. (laughs)